Book Review: Pandorax, by C.Z. Dunn

Afficionados of the Warhammer 40,000 franchise have coined a term: "bolter porn."

This phrase is used to describe most of the novels published by Black Library, Games Workshop's literary division. It indicates that a book possesses little to no intellectual reading value, instead consisting primarily of lurid descriptions of large-scale mayhem and carnage as carried out, typically, by the setting's iconic Space Marines and their spiky-armored opponents, the unironically-named Chaos Space Marines, as well as other colorful factions that occupy the planet-wide battlefields of the 41st millennium.

Space Marines, also known as the Adeptus Astartes, are cloistered chapters of towering, genetically-convoluted super-soldiers that thematically resemble medieval knightly orders, ascetic monk brotherhoods, mythical figures such as the Norse einherjar, and other classical warrior archetypes.

A "bolter" is the Space Marine's standard-issue weapon: A .75-caliber fully-automatic cinderblock-sized machine gun that fires self-propelled explosive ammunition.

The total ubiquity of this insanely destructive weapon, as well as other standard Space Marine affects such as chainswords (as in, swords that are chainsaws), says a lot about the tone of Warhammer 40,000, or simply "40k", a sci-fantasy tabletop miniatures game that has spawned a multitude of novels and other spinoffs, it's tagline: "In the Grim Darkness of the Far Future, there is Only War."

A lot of bolter porn is kind of awful.

Christian Z. Dunn's novel Pandorax, which was released in the UK in 2013 and North America in 2014, is bolter porn. But, it's not awful at all.

In fact, it's pretty great.

Grab a drink (I recommend the blood of heretics or tears of the damned), hit the jump, and I'll tell you all about it.

Shadowhunters: First thoughts

Spoilers for the first episode ahead. You have been warned.

Whenever I watch a pilot episode for any show I always keep in mind that this is a shows first shy (or sometimes overly ambitious) step into what is hoped will be a wildly successful series. So, with that mindset I dove into Shadowhunters with an open mind. I'm not sure how much of my opinions are colored by the fact that I've read the books, but I left the pilot feeling hopeful.

Did it have flaws? Yes. Did it feel rushed and disjointed? Yes. Did the characters feel wooden and awkward? A bit. Was I surprised by any of this? Not at all. Most show pilots I've watched (and there are a lot of them) start this way.

Overall, I felt it did an okay job of introducing the world and the main players. We got a quick glimpse at each characters' personality and quirks. I'm still on the fence about Clary's mom actually wanting to explain everything to her, but it's likely a small change that won't have a lasting effect. Speaking of changes, I might be one of the few people who doesn't mind when a TV show or movie drift away from the source material. This hasn't always been the case. I used to get rather bent out of shape over even minor changes to the original. Then I grew up, started a Masters program in screen writing, and realized there are so many reasons for these changes. Also, I learned to love the differences. It was like seeing something new in a familiar setting.

I'm interested in the thoughts of those of you who haven't read the books? Were you able to follow along? Did you grasp the basic idea of the show? Did you get lost halfway through and change the channel?

A Bad Idea *Hunger Games Spoilers Ahead*

Have you heard the news? Lionsgate has recently announced that they will open a Hunger Games theme park in Atlanta, GA. Can I ask why? Don’t get me wrong, I am a complete Katniss Everdeen fangirl who didn’t mind the totes heartbreaking death of (SPOILER ALERT) sweet Prim (with war comes collateral damage) and even embraced the film adaptions (mostly because the always charming Jennifer Lawrence slays it, per usual) despite the severe miscasting of Josh Hutcherson as Peeta Mellark, among other things.  But somehow – and maybe this is just me – but I have never once after reading one of the Hunger Games books said to myself, “huh, wouldn’t that just be a complete lark? I would KILL (literally, natch) to be able to experience the sadistic thrill of murdering a bunch of teenagers for the amusement of a bunch of one percenters who dress like they are on an extended acid trip! Will there be actual blood when I’m cracking open some 12 year old girl’s head, or is it just going to be some lame simulation?” Nope. Nope. Nope. The ONLY Hunger Games “Experience” that I would enjoy would to be a devil’s threesome situation with lil’ Joshie boy (hey, he may be miscast and a full head shorter than me, but still, objectively hot) and that Hemsworth brother.  

Image Source: http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/peetas-only-dream-in-life-meme.jpg

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios in Orlando, FL, Japan, and the one currently under construction in Hollywood, CA all do so well because part of the thrall of the HP universe is that nearly every fan wants to be a wizard. I’m sure at one point – or if you’re anything like me – you maybe had a wonderfully irrational thought that your Hogwarts admissions letter somehow got lost in the owl post and one day ol’ Dumbledore (who never kicked the bucket in this particular fantasy) will pay me a visit to rectify that grave mistake.  No Hunger Games fan (at least not the sane ones) would ever volunteer to participate in the games.  Like the Hunger Games, the drama in HP surrounds the machinations of a hateful archvillian who casts the threat of war, death, and loss over the narrative and who our protagonist must defeat in order to save the world; unlike the Hunger Games, there are chapters, and arguably entire books, where war, death, and darkness aren’t the focus of the narrative. There are light-hearted moments of the awkwardness of adolescence, there are impossible beasts, objects, spells, feats of the imagination; there is magic.

Image Source: http://cdn.theatlantic.com/assets/media/img/mt/2015/11/hunger/lead_large.jpg?1446482515

Even if that magic is sometimes dangerous and terrible in its own right, and even if some of the darker themes and events that occur in HP seem to mirror that of the muggle world (the Holocaust, racism and ethnic cleansing/genocide, wars, etc.), it still seems like an impossible fever dream. If you squint hard enough, the Hunger Games, with its elements of class warfare, physical violence (read: No wands, spellcasting or potions. Just guns, bullets, bombs, machetes, axes, drones, manufactured killing machines, etc.), and social inequalities could easily be a dystopia not that far off from 21^st century America.  If I wanted to see or experience any of those things, all I would have to do is turn on the 6 o’clock news. It’s all just a little too close for comfort if you ask me.  Like the summer blockbuster, the purpose of theme parks are so the visitor can step into a piece of artificial escapism (and buy $8 butterbeers) and forget about the world’s problems… not be reminded of them.

Rebels Reviews - Episode 2 "Relics of the Old Republic"

Or as I like to call it, "Old Guys Kicking Ass".

I'm a bit behind schedule (this doesn't bode well for me) so we'll keep this short.

This episode was better than last week. 

We find our cast once again in a tight bind due to some sort of ship mechanical problem. Apparently, space ships are made by the same companies who manufacture expensive sports cars.

The Empire as always is hot on their tail. What are our heroes to do? Have an awesome game of Hide-and-go-Seek in a sandstorm of course. Isn't that what you'd do? 

Some thoughtful thoughts:

Kanan's continued distrust of the Clones feels genuine and I'm glad that he didn't give in too easily. (Like he did with his story to Ezra last week) He still did the right thing and saved them, but finds it hard to trust them. I feel he is more than justified. I mean, Clones did murder his master and a fair amount of Jedi. I'd hold a grudge too.

Image Source: http://cdn-static.denofgeek.com

Favorite Moments: 

• Battle Tank vs Walker! I cheered out loud when Wolf smashed the Tank into the AT-AT. There was something about that scene that made me very happy. 

Image Source: http://rebelsreport.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/r2t14.png

• Clones making fun of their Stormtrooper replacements. And the Empire admitting that they are willing to send wave after wave of their own men at the enemy. 

Things I learned about this episode: 

• If you turn off your ship it becomes invisible... I know, with no power the scanners supposedly don't see it. Sure I'll buy that. But does the crew seriously not see the ship just floating there? 

* I can hear my friend, Melody yelling at me "Talking Dragons!" The phrase we use when you're just supposed to accept the nature of this particular fantasy universe. Though I think in this universe "Talking Slugs (Hutts) would be more appropriate.* 

• Walkers only have one speed. Full speed ahead means go at the same speed, but with more feeling. 
• The best droids are the moody droids that talk back to you.
• If you shoot an AT-AT in the neck, the legs give out. 

Random Thoughts:

We had a brief look at our new inquisitor. How many are there total do you think? I mean, did Vader train them? Palpatine? They're not Sith, so what exactly are they? 

FOMO Anxiety in the Golden Age of Television

I’m a week behind with my normal Fall TV viewing schedule – about 20 hours of programming – and all I can think about while I commute, work, play on my cornhole league, have lunch with a friend, watch another friend’s baby get baptized, and live my life, is what shows I’ve missed and how many hours it will take until I’m “caught up.” If you think that sentence is absurd - and perhaps more than a little sad - I’m mostly in agreement, but let me tell you how I got here and how I plan to crawl back out.

It all started for me in Fall 2005 with a TiVo, a 20 inch TV, a mild case of seasonal depression, and too much time on my hands as an unemployed college student with a light course schedule. Lost, Heroes, Grey’s Anatomy and a slew of other shows marking the beginning of the “golden age of television” (although it is this writer’s opinion that there are no quotes needed here, as it was a turning point for not only the medium, but also innovative and captivating serial storytelling) had recently entered my life and I was, for lack of a better word, hooked. Even with the DVR, I found that I needed to be front row and center at 8pm EST for the programs I considered “appointment viewing” – this was just before the internet and social media made love with “must watch” television programming and pushed out a sweet, addictive, synergized entertainment baby; before spoiler alerts, instant recaps, binge watching, and “TV on your time” streaming 24/7 on Hulu/Amazon/Netflix/On Demand.  My neglected roommates/BFFs – and who did not share my slavish pop culture devotion – lamented that I was virtually unreachable Sunday – Thursday from 8 – 11pm and lo, did they feel my wrath if they dared to enter my room and speak to me during that time slot (unless it was a commercial break, in which they had exactly 2 minutes to speak their peace and leave). It was rough for all of us, and what started as mild teasing and frustration on their part eventually lead to all out shouting, tears and hurt feelings from all parties. Thus began my 10 year “struggle” with my love/hate relationship with TV. Hi my name is Marie, and I’m a television addict. (Hi Marie!)

Image Source: http://www.hbo.com/game-of-thrones/about/index.html

As I’ve grown older and adult responsibilities have creeped into my life – despite my best efforts – I have found it harder and harder to maintain my devotion to my overlord TV while adulting. There have been a lot of changes in the way I watch TV: I got rid of the ol’ TiVo sometime around 2012 and moved strictly to On Demand, Hulu Plus, Netflix, and the occasional live viewing.  I changed when I watched TV: I made a promise to myself a number of years ago that I would prioritize my work/family/friend obligations first and have, for the most part – barring the season premiere/finales of a handful of shows watched by the majority of my friends/family/human beings; Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, etc. – kept that promise.  (Although I’m sure there are some in my social circle who would vehemently disagree with that assessment…) However, I still feel that pull. To keep up; to be in the know; to not “miss out.” I have had actual nightmares of being spoiled on major plot points or not having anything to contribute to the water cooler discussion of last week’s episode of Homeland (or how Homeland hasn’t been good since Season 1).

So I find ways to make it work. I keep a Google Sheets shared doc with one of my BFFs and fellow pop culture slave that tracks what shows we’re watching and how we’re watching them, how many episodes we are behind – if we’re behind – and how many hours that adds up to for future viewing planning purposes.  When my work/social life is sluggish – or it’s January – that spreadsheet gives me peace.  “Oh look! I only have 2.3 more hours of TV to watch before I’m done!” Reaching these viewing goals becomes like a personal mountain to climb or a marathon to run – only the sedentary, couch potato version of that because the only moving I’m doing is to get snacks or to empty my bladder. But the sad fact is that I’m never really done and that spreadsheet likely causes me more anxiety than it does peace. There is always another show to binge, another show to check out, another show I’m 3 episodes behind and “oh my god I better catch up because this is my sister’s fav show and she will def spoil me with her big fat word vomit mouth.”

Image Source: https://pmcvariety.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/the-walking-dead.jpg?w=670&h=377&crop=1

When you watch 90+ shows a year (Who even has that much free time you may ask?? It helps to be single, childless, and have a small circle of friends who either have their own priorities like kids and second jobs and stuff, or who appreciate and mirror your own devotion to TV.), television becomes a chore, a burden, a yoke upon my free time and peace of mind. And yet… And yet… I would not – could not - give it up for the world. There are too many great stories being told and yet to be told; stories that I have found or will find. Stories that will captivate me, dig into my brain, and drag me along - a willing victim - kicking and screaming and mourning another hour of my week that is both lost and not lost. An hour with my imagination sparked, my entertainment nodes a-firing, and my creative juices milked; and an hour I could have spent talking to my mom, on a date, or learning a second language. Thus is the lament of the geek, the obsessed, the pop culture addict: too many things to read, watch, listen to, experience – and not nearly enough hours in the day to experience them. 

Image Source: https://u.osu.edu/uofye/files/2014/03/good-guy-netflix-meme-2-vgc5pq.jpg

The only “recovery” I could see in my near future would be one where I reassessed what programs are worth my time and culled the herd a bit, so to speak. Maybe 40 shows a year instead of 90! I could devote my free time to dating, exercising, and other things I hate doing. Oh wait, what’s that you say? Marvel’s releasing yet another spin-off TV series? Shonda Rhimes has a new show in the works? X-FILES IS COMING BACK?!?! Huh… Maybe I’ll cut back next year.

It's Time for Star Wars

Where were you last night?

Me? Well, last night at around 9pm Eastern myself and my two roommates spent 45 minutes, two computers and three cell phones trying to get Star Wars tickets last night. All the movie ticket sites were down and hope seemed lost. But the Force prevailed and we managed to get tickets to a 7:00pm IMAX 3-D showing.

Image Source: http://img.youtube.com/vi/ngElkyQ6Rhs/0.jpg

Never before have I been so stressed out trying to buy movie tickets. I'm hoping it is a bit smoother next year.

Also, the trailer. In case you need to see it again.

How'd it go for you guys? Did you cry? Laugh? Pull all your hair out?

Star Wars Rebels Review

Hello there and welcome to the first Rebels Reviews!

I love Star Wars so it seems fitting I vent my thoughts on Star Wars Rebels here.

In case you're living on another planet without holonet access, everyone here is certainly aware of the start of Season 2 of Star Wars Rebels.

Last week Episode 1 (or as I prefer to call it Episode 1B) aired. The actual first episode premiered this summer with "The Siege of Lothal" and somehow I managed to miss this episode. I was a bit lost when I jumped into "The Lost Commanders" last Wednesday. Things made a bit more sense once I got my hands on that elusive episode. So, if you also didn't catch that pre-season episode I suggest you go watch that one.

Now for a quick and dirty review of Season 2 so far. I'm using bullet points because I love bullet points.

The Siege of Lothal

• Introduce Vader. This man certainly knows how to make an entrance. I enjoyed that they made him the badass we all know he is. He treated Ezra like he was the annoying little fly he is sometimes. You get the distinct impression that Vader didn't break a sweat fighting both Kanan and Ezra. 

Image Source: http://spinoff.comicbookresources.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/star-wars-rebels.jpg

• Kanan has some of the best dialogue. My favorite is when he's talking to Ezra. His lines make me laugh more than any of the others. I'm sure the fact that they are delivered by Freddie Prince Jr. helps. 
• The scene with Hera and Kanan on the rebel ship was very well done. It gave us a chance to see the mental and emotional damage the Clone Wars had on some of the survivors. This was a very poignant moment and I loved it. 
• Space battles are always fun. Always. 

The Lost Commanders

• REX RETURNS! Who didn't love him in Clone Wars? Now he's a grizzled old war vet and seems like he'd be just as much of a badass as he was in the Clone Wars but with a bit more creaking of joints. 

Image Source: http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20150418195511/disney/images/6/6c/Star-Wars-Rebels-Season-Two-31.jpg

• Loved the explanation of what happened to the Clones. This always bugged me (and a lot of Star Wars fans I imagine). Why were there no clones by the time we get to Episode IV? Oh...because the Empire decided they were no longer useful and got rid of them. Okay. 
• Having said that, I am not satisfied with this explanation. There has to be more to it. Seems like a terribly wasteful use of preprogrammed resources. Unless "decommission" is a euphemism for something more awesomely sinister which was my first thought. (and my sincere hope)
• Loved this Guy:

Image Source: http://i.ytimg.com/vi/is37Ep-x2go/maxresdefault.jpg

• Kanan: "I don't feel like discussing it." (meaning the Clone Wars) but then proceeds to discuss it without any pushing from Ezra. Way to stick to your guns Kanan. 
• Wolf's apology was terrible. It came far too easily. I know episodes are short but I did expect at least some resistance to having betrayed Rex for what is likely many years. I don't buy it. 

Over all I enjoyed the episode though it is not one of the strongest of the Series so far, but I am hopeful. 

Now it's time for some speculation. 

What are we going to do with these Clones?

My vote? Wolf, Rex, and/or Crazy Clone die defending Kanan or Ezra. 

Will Asoka reveal that she knows who Vader is? 

Probably not and it'll likely get her killed. 

What do you think?